


Fear

by SongOfTheBadWolf



Category: Gallifrey (Big Finish Audio)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-23
Updated: 2016-03-23
Packaged: 2018-05-28 12:19:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6328897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SongOfTheBadWolf/pseuds/SongOfTheBadWolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Narvin is often resistant to the support he needs the most, but Leela isn't about to give up on him. (set in season 4, after Annihilation.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fear

**Author's Note:**

> written as a tumblr request, for the prompt 'things you said that I wasn't meant to hear.'

Their base on the Axis was cold, at night. Well, at what they decided was night; with no sun and a strange always-faint sky, Romana and Narvin were careful to keep track of relative time, to give some sense of normalcy. Leela saw no harm in following their days and nights, and so despite the new life singing in her blood, she helped Romana switch off all the lights and then returned to her own room to attempt to sleep.

She’d never  _ seen _ the Axis before, of course, and it was an incredible, strange feeling to walk down the small corridors she’d learned by heart and have the image she’d built in her mind completely overwritten. And the windows, out onto this strange dimension, this place-between-the-worlds - she stopped, drawn by the shifting echo of a sky. On that last Gallifrey, the sky had been dark when she regained her sight, and then blood-red and chaotic as the sun returned. Now, all she had was a false world, and she realized that she desperately wanted to see the orange light of Gallifrey’s true sky again.

Voices swirled around the edges of Leela’s awareness, and she frowned and turned away from the window. The sound was coming from further down the hall, and she stepped quietly toward it. It was Romana and Narvin, of course, and there was pain in both her friends’ voices, and Leela’s heart hurt. At least they’d been able to heal Narvin, once they made it back to the Axis. She didn’t want to remember the helpless fear of being trapped on that world, unable to do anything, as they waited for the portal.

“Stop evading the question, Narvin.” Romana’s voice was barely audible through the wall as Leela got closer to Narvin’s room, and Leela hesitated. She didn’t want to spy, but she wanted to make sure that he was alright, after everything --

“They  _ stole  _ my lives!” Anger and hurt and everything Narvin had been suppressing came tumbling out. “You have  _ no idea _ what that’s like, Romana, to have all your futures ripped away. I was going to die today, forever. I’ve only regenerated once, did you know that? And now we’re on this -- this endless --”

Romana interrupted him, her words so quiet that Leela couldn’t make them out.

“I know,” Narvin said eventually, voice low. “I… I’m sorry.”

“Try to sleep,” Romana said softly. “We’ll… we’ll take a day on the Axis, before we choose another portal.”

Footsteps clicked along the floor and Leela shrank back against the wall as Romana emerged from Narvin’s room and turned in the opposite direction, toward her own room. When the Time Lady had disappeared around the corner, Leela stepped out, hovering for a moment in front of Narvin’s door, torn between knocking and leaving him be.

Narvin let out a long breath and leaned back against the wall with a thud. “I don’t want to die, Romana,” he murmured into the emptiness.

Leela made up her mind, and gently knocked on the door.

There was a brief moment of silence before the door slid open. “...Leela?”

She walked past him into the room before he could object. “I am sorry for what I said.”

“What?”

“When we returned from that other world, the one where they sold each other's futures. I am sorry for what I said. I did not realize… and I should not have said it anyway.”

“I…” Narvin looked away. “Thank you.”

Leela crossed to the other side of the room and sat down, her back to the wall, leaving space beside her. She looked up expectantly. 

He sighed, and echoed her own ghost of a smile. “Aren’t you going to go see Romana? She’ll need you; she’s still caught up in the phrase ‘Destroyer of Worlds.’”

“No. I want you to tell me what happened.”

Narvin raised an eyebrow but relented, sitting next to her. “I… I don’t know if you heard anything I said to Romana, but the reason I can’t regenerate is that on the first other Gallifrey, when I was captured, they took my lives.”

“So, you can never heal yourself by changing your face.”

He smiled bitterly. “I only have this version of me, from now until the end.”

“Having only one life does not mean that life is over.”

“Leela, you’ve only ever  _ had _ one life. This is my second body, and I had so much… so much  _ time _ . You don’t -- you can’t --”

His voice broke, and she leaned forward in a rush and wrapped her arms around him. Narvin immediately froze, hands raised slightly like he didn’t know what to do with them. “I am sorry for what you have lost, Narvin.”

She could feel his breath catch as he tried to figure out what to say, and when he couldn’t find words, he let his arms fold around her in return.

After a microspan, she broke the silence. “There is no shame in being afraid of death.”

Narvin flinched, but didn’t try to pull away.

“As long as you do not let your fear control you, there is nothing wrong with that fear. You are still here, with us, and you still fight for Romana. That is enough, and that is brave.” Leela gently pulled back and started to climb to her feet, reaching out a hand. “I stay with Romana, sometimes,” she said, “when she has nightmares. Let me stay with you.”

“I don’t need --”

“You need to not be alone.”

He hesitated. “Alright, Leela,” he said finally, and let her take his hand. “But only because I’m too tired to argue with you.”

She smiled. “Of course.”

Time Lords were always cold, Leela had realized. So she slept curled around them, a small fire in a world of frost. First it was Andred, before everything went wrong, when she’d had love to reflect that heat back to her. Eventually, it was Romana, when Pandora screamed in her head and death lurked behind her eyes and the memories wouldn’t leave, and Leela could be a steady warmth when her lady president woke up screaming. And now, she lay with an arm around Narvin, her head on his shoulder and a slow double heartbeat echoing in her ears. She smiled when he fell asleep almost immediately, still exhausted from recovery. She’d give him whatever part of her fire she could, her Time Lord who’d given so much of himself in following them into the unknown. 


End file.
